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| shattered |
| 02.13.05 (9:39 am) [edit] |
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i had lost this page in my history but cyberspace and chance let me retrieve it... i wonder why...
an anonymous person left me a nostalgic note today. yep. it's valentine's day but, as usual, i'm in my mortally wounded self. this depression is my personal terminal disease. (i quite like it, you know. or perhaps i have just grown used to it...).
i just don't know how to make him happy. like how others had made him happy. like how some people are making him happy now. i don't know what to do. maybe i just can't give him that 'cause no matter how hard i try, i always go home with a sad heart.
for i know for a fact, i haven't made him happy yet.
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| supressed desires |
| 09.02.03 (5:25 pm) [edit] |
i was singing and humming, not at the same time, mind you, [b]Manilyn Reynes[/b]' song (the title of which i had forgotten. heck. i didn't even know the lrics. i just made them up along the way.) the other day...
[i] ikaw... ang mahal ko, ikaw pa rin sinta... la di dada dadum doodoo akong nag-iisa... ikaw pa rin ang iibigin, magbalik ka sana.. toodoodudu dada dada doodoodudoo... [/i]
then it hit me. [i]shet. ang jologs ko pala.[/i]
as my best friend had told me, i was not [i]bakya[/i] but blatantly and subtlely jologs, depending on the moon's phase.
but what the heck is bakya? how the heck does one become a bakya? and why the heck am i jologs, aber?
hmph! all i know is that i used to memorize all the songs of [b]boyzone [/b]- in their albums "said and done" and "a different beat." i used to gush about [b]nick carter[/b], as well as fantasize about [b]casper the friendly ghost in his human form[/b].
and, yes, i used to play [b]wooden heart[/b] on the keyboards and sing my heart out. but, hello? i was in fifth grade, for heaven's sake! how was i to know the private school, particularly St. Kostka School, do's and don'ts?
plus, i hid these crazes behind a mask of extracurricular apathy. :lol:
one more thing. since when did listening to alex band and santana's single become jologs? :evil:
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| tests, tests, tests |
| 08.30.03 (11:16 pm) [edit] |
took another test (heck. don't have anything else to do... well, actually i have a bunch of things to do: deadlines to meet, exams to study for... ugh!)
[b]Which Anne Rice Vampire are you?[/b]
Doll, doll, doll. You are Claudia, the child
vampire.
Which Anne Rice Vampire Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
wish i was a vampire... that way i won't have to worry about what i would be when i grow up (though i won't grow up - literally - anymore...).
plus, i like necks.
especially those nice and clean and sweet-smelling ones... yum yum.
[b]Which personality disorder do you have?[/b]
narcissistic
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
now, that made me laigh. :wink:
(i'm sure my best friend, upon reading this entry, would swear that the test is real. )
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| Eavesdropper |
| 08.27.03 (6:04 am) [edit] |
[i]"I love you,"[/i] he said.
[i]I love you.[/i]
I love you.
And it didn't help that his pronouncement of such sounded like an announcement made by an information personnel of Sulpicio Line's MV Princess of Paradise.
[i]"I love you."[/i]
"yeah, yeah. i heard it the first time around. still, there's nothing in your eyes. or am i just blind? insensitive , as you had said?"
Nothing.
"or are you just the robotic one, programmed to say that bullshit hoping you'd be able to assure me that i'm worth something. after all, i am your girlfriend."
[i]"Luv you."[/i]
Ah. The degeneration of that damned adage. You could have been easier on her, fool. You could have just blurted, "i'm tired of staring at your flour-decorated face with its permanently disdainful look. Go away."
The consequences would have been a lot brighter for you and for that newly-coffee-stained white burberry cotton sweater you're wearing.
Was the coffee still hot?
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| what feeling do you represent? |
| 08.24.03 (6:59 am) [edit] |
took the test... this is what i got...
You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| ramblings |
| 08.23.03 (3:04 am) [edit] |
Is there such thing as a rightful dreamer?:)
Yes?:lol:
Over time, you have dreamt of all there is to dream: from pumpkin coaches and toy drums, from Santa Clauses to BMW Z3's and a scholarship to Harvard Law School. You've crossed trenches, climbed up Smokey Mountain a few times just to catch a glimpse of the leprechaun's gold. You've texted [b]Kris Auino's [u]Game Ka Na Ba[/u] [/b]6 times a day for a shot of the jackpot prize.:?
You've spent countless nights in front of the computer, risking your eyesight :shock: , suscepting your relatively smooth skin to pimples, and literally disrupting your biological clocks just to finish a discourse analysis so that you would get an [i]uno[/i] in that pesky subject.
What in return?
:x There are still no pumpkin coaches, not even squashes large enough to be carved into a seat, no visits from Santa and his eleves, no fancy cars, and no scholarships, not even to Ateneo Law. Heck. You didn't even pass the law admissions test, for Christ's sake!
Smokey Mountain turned into Payatas and leprechauns evolved into orcs and groups of Voldermort-like creatures and still, Kris hasn't been calling out your name in the text partners portion of her show.
Of course, you got a 3.00 in that pesky subject, considering you actually worked your butt off. That and your grades in your other subjects determined your 2.64 GWA. Needless to say, you didn't wuite make it to the summa cum laude podium. So much for your [i]victory party plans.[/i] :evil:
Do all these mean you didn't dream the right dreams? That you wasted all those time just conjuring up the details in those movies you had stored in your mind? Playback had been such joy. Why had it all come down to pure, painful sorrow? Or, in some cases, turned into vapors: something to mist.
Weren't you the rightful dreamer? :roll:
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